Last day of radiation is tomorrow, thankfully. I am tired of my outside blistering and my inside turning to mush. Five more chemos left. To say I've been depressed lately would be a gross understatement- bursts of tears will be triggered by something as trivial as guilt over my mom buying me socks. I feel like a burden. Everything seems too delicate and temporary. I look out and see paper houses and paper trees, origami lives being smooshed to bits every now and then for no particular reason. My current situation is seeped in self-induced loneliness and death and anxiety over how short my life might be. I really wish I could say troop morale was better, but, war is always grim.
I want you all to know that the King is alive and well somewhere south of my bellybutton.
Maybe when I'm better I'll get him tattooed over the burn?
things to be happy about tonight:
++solitude
++clean sheets in a cold room
++learning to play piano
++20 plus pages written
++the privilege of extra time that treatment has given me
++always possibilities
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