I'm having a mondo-crying fit right now. it happens occasionally.

I don't understand how I keep going on interviews and keep failing to land a job.

Even minimum wage jobs for which I've had years of positive previous experience with the Company, i.e. Crossroads, have turned me down. RETAIL JOBS ARE TURNING ME DOWN, not even the design industry.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Is it the gaps in my employment history from having cancer/being in college? Is it because I'm honest about being in remission for cancer? Does that scare you, employer? Is it because I only worked at Bloomingdale's for 6 months during the summer, and Goorin for 8 months before they laid me off?

I really... I'm really discouraged.

I will not be able to pay for July rent. My credit line is maxed. I have $42 to my name. I have an interview on Weds that seems promising, but it's for an unpaid internship.

I'm doing the best I can, I'm showing up articulate, positive, absolutely willing to work, honest, with a resume and portfolio I poured my heart into and a smile on my face.

the reality? reality doesn't care much about me or my problems.

/rant.