i have never been.
so heartbroken.
in all of my life.

as i am at this moment.

i was incredibly foolish to be happy for the end, so stupid stupid stupid for waking up today with a smile on my face.

i broke down and started hysterically sobbing in the waiting room, everyone either staring at me or pretending not to notice, begging the doctor, "please, PLEASE give me chemo this week, it's my last, pleeeaseeee."

no such luck.