Tuesday, 19 October 2010

C and me, we're attached at the hip

I had scans yesterday.

Despite having a total thyroidectomy, lateral neck dissection, and radioactive iodine, thyroid cancer is still partying it up in my chest cavity. Awesome! We's friends fo' life.

LUCKILY, papillary thyroid carcinoma grows very slowly, so it isn't an immediate threat to my health. I'll probably have to have RAI again in a few months.

I can live with this, it's cool. It's not Ewings. My problem is... the extent to which my illness is affecting my 20-something life. It's fucking shit up. I should be half-way to being the next Anna Dello Russo now but I'm stuck in bed in my tiny rented room in SF DOING NOTHING. At least, that's how it feels.

In reality, I am doing everything I can. I am taking supplements, probiotics, eating well, stretching, studying my industry, trying to keep up.

My problem is that I want too much. My dreams have always been massive. I've been brought up with the notion that if you want something, work hard and you shall receive. It's a nice idea but it's ultimately bullshit. So much depends on random circumstance.

Will I ever be able to set cancer aside and continue with my passion, my work, my life?

fuck if I know.

I hope so.

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