Hi everbody, I have cancer again, awesome right?

I'm waiting... still waiting to let you guys know a definitive diagnosis. It will be soon. Currently applying for Medicaid in hopes that I can get into Sloan Kettering. It's been 3 months now that I've been experiencing symptoms, which have gotten progressively worse, to the point that I find it hard to walk, eat, sleep, breathe. If I had insurance I'd probably already be in treatment right now, a sad thought. I'm in a lot of pain, but the Public Health Hospitals here in NY (even the oncologists!) are not allowed to give an opiate-tolerant patient proper relief. For a tumor the size of a small cantaloupe, they're only allowed to give me 5mg oxycodone. That's one step above giving me a rag to clench my teeth on, so I'd say Bellevue has made considerable strides these past 100 years.

 I've been listening to the This American Life archive recently and comedian Tig Notaro totally hit the nail on the head for me, what I've been feeling, a weakened but still bitingly sarcastic "great, now what." She's funny. Listen to it.

I will update you completely after I get my (hopefully) full diagnosis this Weds. Until then, feel free to send me your "awwwwww"s.